It's Friday, and you know what that means. Time for the Friday Five. This week with a Prank Twist. As always, answer any 5 or go zip a dee doo dah daffy and answer them all....ready....here we go....Oh yeah, a word of warning....watch out for those flying and flopping "things".

1-Martha Stewart or Rachael Ray?

Rachael. I like Martha, but she is just a little too prim,proper and prissy,for my taste (Sorry T). Rachael, while at times annoying, is more laid back. This is what Belle wrote and I have to say I agree with what she said, so if she doesn't mind, I'll just let her answer stand as is for me too.

2-First movie you saw in a theater?

gee, I really don't remember that far back.

3-Color of bath towels?

they are lots of different colors but mostly purple and rust

4-Favorite canned soup?

I like Campbell's Chunky Baked Potato with Bacon. And Campbell's chicken and dumplings is really good too.

5-Last person you sent an e-card to?

An American Service Man. I don't know their names, it's all done through XeroX.

6-Which do you use most often: house or cell phone?

House.

7-First TV show you remember watching?

Are you kidding? I'm not real sure of what I saw on TV last night!

8-Batman or Superman?

Oh man, Superman is the man for me. What can this man not do?

9-What, if anything is on your feet right now?

a soft plush Grateful Dead blanket

10-Look to your left....what do you see?

my drop dead gorgeous almost 19 year old son

11-Last time you went on an eating binge, what did you eat?

I'm not sure if I have ever done binge eating, if I did, bet you there would be lots of chocolate involved, chocolate covered donuts, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate candies...

12-Is there a sign with a saying,quote or slogan near you and if you what does it say?

no slogans I can read

13-Something you wear on special occasions?

I got a couple of sparkaly, shinny tops, ones blue sequines and the other is dark green with like glitter in the material and a very lacy and sequined black skirt.

14-What puts you "...in the mood"?

Hippie music and my gorgeous hot Husband

15-Funniest thing you read this week on Blogstream?

there are so many funny things, it's too late and I'm not thinking all that good right now, I know excuses, excuses, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

PRANK TWIST

16- I like Prank because......

he seems like a very sweet, fun loving person. I think it would be a lot of fun to hang out with him and with Six. Being as I also live in VA, like Six, I'm hoping that maybe one day, they may come to my house or something and we might get together and have some fun.

17-Prank makes me.....

He makes me smile and think. I must agree, he always puts smile on my face when I check out his blog.

18-Prank has.....

A warm inviting aura. I agree with this one too and would like to add that he also seems to be very intelligent. He's funny and intelligent, not goofy and stupid.

19-Prank is....

Probably trying to dig out of a snow bank. Yep, I agree with that one too.

20- My personal message to Prank is.....

Get out of all that snow and get back to the beach. If you guys ever feel like looking at some mountains, you know who to call, right?

Later Ya'll

I actually wrote that little poem a couple of days ago. I woke up with some of those words running around in my mind, so I thought why not write them down, see what comes out. I used to do that all the time back when I was a teenager. I wish I still had some of those notebooks with all my poetry in them now. It would be so much fun to look at them and see how funny they were. And then again maybe some of them would be really good too. But alas, they are gone forever. I have no idea what happened to all my poems. I guess they were thrown out many years ago. I really don't know and I can't remember any of them either. Oh well. So I guess I need to think up some more but my life is so different now than it was then. I was so alone. I wanted my life to begin and it just seemed like it never would. I was like on hold or on pause or something. I wanted to be loved and was looking for love but it just wasn't happening for me.

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine. She was telling me about another friend of hers. This person's 16 year old son committed suicide earlier this week. smh I just don't get it. I remember being a teenager. I wouldn't want to be a teenager again for nothing in the world. I hated being a teenager. But then I really hated just being me. I got picked on a lot by a lot of other people, both young and old. Fellow students, teachers, just any one I met. People were rather cruel to me. I can't say I didn't think about suicide and I can't say I didn't try it on more than one occaision. Thank Goddess, I didn't succeed at it though. I wouldn't be here to talk about it now, would I? But about the abuse and cruelty of other children, honestly, as a child that was so severly picked on, I always wondered why their parents didn't do something about their bad kids and why couldn't the teachers do something too? Of course, I did have a couple of Teachers who actually picked on me some too, it wasn't always just my fellow peers. People better wake up and see that the way these kids treat others is what causes kids to committ suicide or to take a bunch of guns and go crazy in the lunch room at the local High School. I for one do understand it. My kids were raised to know that if I ever caught one of them being mean or cruel to anyone, they was gonna get it from me! I made sure they knew just how I was treated and how it made me feel. Unfortunately, they got picked on just about as much as I did.

It's so sad that that kid felt the need to end his life. I guess I always figured if I hung in there a little bit longer maybe something really good would happen. And in my case, it did. I had two beautiful baby boys and now I am married to the most wonderful, loving and caring man ever. I'm glad I stuck it out and didn't succeed at the suicide attempts. There ain't nothing, no man, no picking or verbal abuse from others that can make me try to committ suicide. Even though I hurt everyday for no real reason and it doesn't seem like I'm ever going to get better, and sometimes I feel so depressed, I still don't want to kill myself. No way, I'm not going there. I'm not ready to go yet, I've got things I still want to do with my life. I still want to swim with dolphins and I still want to play a part on the day time soap opera, All My Children!

My mind has been very busy this morning. So I thought I would get up and do some writing and see if anything good comes out of it. Well, that was good, now what? I draw a blank, right? Maybe if I think back on what I was thinking about earlier...

The darkness envelopes my eyes
I can’t see anymore
The air is so thick in my lungs
I can’t breathe anymore
The world as I knew it
has begun to change.

Will you be there when it’s all said and done?
Will you know my face?
Will you hold my hand and comfort me?
Will you show me the way?

The images of my memories
spin and swirl inside my mind.
Can’t make them stop
Can’t make them slow down.
I wish you were still here.

The tears begin to fall
as I reach out to you once more
on another day, another time.
And yet once again, you slip from my grasp.
All I have are my memories of you.

I am hungry for more memories of you.
But there is no more
there is only what was.

Shawn and I decided to have a pizza and rent a movie on Directv tonight. We rented "Superman Returns". It was pretty good. I think Shawn liked it. I think the guy they picked to play Superman really did a great job. He reminded me so much of Christopher Reeves, it was rather uncanny. We both agreed on that one and we would both like to see if they make another movie about Superman.
I've been in a really bad mood all day. I got woke up today before I was really ready and it just set me off for the rest of the day. Anyway, I'm trying to get over it and get into a better mood. I thought I'd write a little something here and get my butt in the bed a little earlier than usual but of course it's already after 4 am. Oh well.
I told Brian today that if he could find a way to get our bus to the island of Hawaii then I would go there. I said maybe we could stay there for a few months or more. And then I get this comment from Gekco who lives in Hawaii. I've never checked his blog out before, so it just seemed kinda one of those strange co-winky-dinks kinda things, you know. I don't know, maybe it's a sign or something.
Friday was Brian's Mom's birthday. I hope she had a good one. She is a one of a kind person, that's for sure. Most people have some problems with their Mother-in-Law but mine is an Angel on Earth. She is so sweet, even her voice is sweet like music to my ears. I couldn't ask for a better Mother-in-Law. She always cheers me up when I'm down and she is so much fun to hang out with. She is bi-polar and there are times when she is suffering and hard to understand and get along with but it doesn't happen that much. She does take medication and I think it does help her but I don't care, I love her and I love spending time with her anytime. Just like I love my Husband, even when he is irritating as hell and even when I'm mad at him, which doesn't happen too much, thank Goddess. I think this is a lesson that my Husband and my son must learn, that I love them no matter what, even when I'm mad at them, I still love them and I will love them forever, no matter what. They may make me mad, they may make me sad, but none of that will ever change the way they live in my heart. It's just the way I work and I can't change it or just turn my love off or on, you know. I am what I am. That's why when I decided to write in a blog, I decided to be as honest as I could be. I just want to be real, it's what I am, a real person and it's all I can be.

Hey, everybody. It looks like most everyone had a very good time and got most of what they wanted for the holidays. I got Brian lots of Redskins stuff, pens, a trash can, a real nice plush blanket, a tye-dyed t-shirt, all from the Redskins. I ordered him a nice wall clock with his name on it but it hasn't arrived yet. Oh and I got him a calendar with the Redskins on it too. He loves the Redskins, he really does. I got Shawn 5 pairs of cargo pants, 5 t-shirts, a calender with fly-fishing and trout info on it, his hunting license, and a cheese ball with hot peppers in it. One of his friends that he fishes and hangs out with gave him a recurve bow and a framed picture of his Dad with a turkey his Dad killed years ago.
Shawn never got the chance to get to know his Dad. He passed away in 2002, I think. Shawn's Dad was married when I got pregnant with Shawn and not to me. I never meant to mess up his marriage and I didn't. I think she knew about Shawn but she never said anything to me and I never said anything to her. Frank loved Shawn and wanted to be a part of his life but he knew it would be complicated to say the least. He came to visit Shawn once when he was a baby. He was so proud of Shawn, he was bouncing him on his knee and all. I said to him, this is all good and all but what are you going to do when he sees you at the grocery store or something? What do you think he's going to say? You might be there with your Wife or your other kids and if Shawn sees you, he's going to be all happy and calling you Daddy, so then what? I said he needed to think about that. That was the last time Shawn ever saw his Father. I saw him at a friend of mine's house sometime before his accident. We had a long talk about Shawn. I told him Shawn was old enough now that he understood more and wouldn't make things bad with his family but he said he was uneasy about talking to Shawn. He didn't want to know if Shawn hated him or was mad at him and he just didn't know what to say to him. That summer he dove into his brother's above ground pool and broke his neck or something and was paralyzed pretty much from the neck down. He said he had very limited use of his hands and arms. One day we got a phone call from him, Brian answered the phone and thought Frank was drunk or something until I told him how the guy was paralyzed. Frank was in the hospital at the time with a blood infection. He wanted to talk to Shawn and had gotten a nurse to dial my number for him. The nurse had to hold the phone for him too. Shawn really didn't want to talk to him but he did. A few months later I got word that he had died. It's a shame, Frank would have really loved knowing Shawn. He missed out on so very much by not getting to know his son. Shawn is an exceptional young person. I am so thankful that I have had him in my life for all these years. He is a great kid, at least most of the time, right? I mean, he is a kid, right? Can't be perfect all the time!