Hey everybody. I'm still here. I know I haven't written much lately. I've just been kinda down and not feeling too well. Sometimes I still feel like just sleeping and never waking up again and sometimes I feel ok. I just feel kinda tired and lazy a lot. It's getting colder and it makes my legs and back hurt.
I got some good news though. The couple next door that takes care of my Mom got Married on Monday, Oct. 23th. It was a very quiet service in my Mom's front yard with only Brian and I as witnesses for them. It's the way they wanted it..Ashlyn said she asked her Mom to come but when she told her, her Mom changed the subject and wouldn't even give her an answer. Chris didn't want to tell his parents cause they are religous freaks and would insist on a big wedding in a church with the big white fluffy dress and all the flowers and tuxedoes and they just didn't want all that stuff and fluff. Its just not the way they are. They are quiet and simple kids and thats the way they wanted their wedding to be, casual and quiet and simple. I'm very happy for them and very honored to have been included in the festivities. We had brunch together afterward. Very nice. Mr. and Mrs. Hollandsworth.
Cesar is sleeping peacefully in between my legs under a blanket. He still sleeps under the covers, even in the summer time. Silly little dog. He's Mommie's little man and he's so sweet. He really makes me smile everyday.

Smokey, our big fat grey cat is about to get into trouble, I think. He's sitting on top of Brian's cd case on the coffee table. I hope he doesn't knock it off. He's so clumsy, he is always knocking things over or off the table. Now he has jumped up on the back of the sofa and he is meowing about something. Well at least he didn't knock all my stuffed animals off the back of the sofa, like he usually does. He is mad cause usually I have a pillow that sits on the back of my chair and he likes to sleep on it. But right now that pillow is back on my bed and he doesn't like it. He wants it back so he can sleep up there behind my head. I think he likes to be close to me. I'll tell you what, when he is in your arms or your lap, you got a whole armfull of cat. He is a whopper, no doubt.

I'm going to post this little note to let you all know what's been going on with me. Mostly there is no excuse, just my laziness. I've been reading blogs and enjoying most of what I have read. There have been a few posts that at first were extremely confusing but as I read on, I learned what was happening. I chose to keep my opinions to myself, just really didn't have the strength to get wrapped up in all the drama, besides I knew we'd have nothing more to fear from this guy.
And while all this shit is going down, I'm living in my own little personal hell. First I wake up with a severe migraine. I ended up having to take two of my Imitrex to get rid of it and I lost the whole day. I think that was Sept. 28th. I was so scared to go to sleep I pulled a 24 hour day and then I went to bed. When I woke up, Yep, another migraine. That was either Sept. 29 or Oct. 1. That made me lose another day and then yesterday afternoon, I woke up with a pain in my back, a really, really severe pain. Brian took me to the Hospital. When that triage nurse asked me what level my pain was at on a scale of 1 to 10, I said with no hesitation, 10! Kidney stones! I hate Kidney stones. They hurt so much. They gave something for pain and nausia and they gave me some to take home with me. So now I'm sitting here all fucked on pain killers and waiting for the stone to be passed. Anyway that is what has been happening around here. I hate being sick and I hate hosptials. Some body say a little prayer for me, I really need to get well.
I'm getting to sleepy to tpye\ or spell for that matter, sorry I just gave up on that word but I think you know what I mean. Love to all, sleep well and tomorrow will be a better day for us all/

This came to me in an email and I really liked it. I wanted to share it with everyone. I'm going through some changes right now and this came at just the right time for me. Things are going to change for me and it will be a good thing.
You are so much more than you realize

You are so much more than you realize. You have deep talents and
high intelligence. You are creative and intuitive. You are
everything you need to be, capable of rising to the challenges of
life with courage and strength. You are all of this, I promise you.

And so, today, let us breathe in the energy of strength, breathe in
the energy of capability. Let it all fill you as you realize what a
treasure you are.

There is no need to worry about coming events, for you will rise to
each occasion as it comes, digging deep within you for the strength
that it requires. There is no need to worry at all, for you are a
fountain of creativity, and solutions will flow easily as you discern
what is around you and respond.

Let life be easy. Do not make it difficult by shrouding your gifts
in doubt. Doubt takes away what is naturally yours, the confidence
and strength that you can have within you, if you will only allow it.

Right now, cast away doubt. Cast away any complaints you have, any
ways you feel the victim, and replace them instead with a solid
strength, a center strong and secure, so that you know that nothing
is too much for you. Stand strong, solid and secure in the center of
your life, alert and energetic, ready to accept whatever comes,
knowing that each challenge will simply make you stronger.

Here is a little affirmation for today

I am strong and capable and can handle everything and anything that
comes my way. I am intelligent and creative and will easily find
solutions where needed. I am deeply talented and find great joy in
releasing my talents so that all may see them.

I am the center of my life, strong and secure, solid and stable, full
of confidence in my abilities. Courage fills me with every breath.

I am power. I am.

I just thought that all of us could use this affirmation.

Hey everybody! Brian told me last night that he promised me a real adventure and let me tell you something, that trip into the city was certainly an adventure from start to finish! The show last night was Roger Waters of Pink Floyd at Madison Square Garden in NYC and it was awesome!
Our friends, Charlie and Lois were staying in a Hotel just 3 stop lights up the road from us, so we went to their hotel to meet them. From there we took a NJ Transit bus into downtown New York City. I didn't know that city buses had handicapped lifts on them and the seats could be moved to make room for our wheel chairs. That was so strange, I'd never seen anything like it, much actually use it. It was really cool to ride into the city and not worry about getting lost or anything. Then we got off the bus at The Port Authority and walked over to Madison Square Garden. Wow! So many tall buildings, so many lights, so many bill boards, so many people, so many different languages! Wow! I guess I really am just a small town girl cause all that was so crazy to me. Why do so many people want to live on top of one another? Man, thats so crazy. It's a good thing I was with Brian and Charlie and Lois or I would have been so freaking lost in no time. The whole time I had no clue where we were. It was quite a little walk to MSG. Lois stopped at this little shop and got herself a slice of pizza. She said thats what everybody does there. They are always walking down the street eating a piece of pizza kinda folded in half. I had Pizza for dinner on Tues. night so I said no thanks. We got to the venue, got our tickets at will call and went to find our seats. We had to take these little lifts up a level, they were very wierd looking, kinda old like but they worked ok, just kinda slow though. Then we had to take an elevator up to the top floor. We found our seats and enjoyed the kick ass show! Roger Waters put on a great show. The first part of the show was kinda political, asking for Bush's impeachment and for Tony Blair to step down. It was very visual too. At one point this giant flying pink pig came out and flew around the center of the arena.

Here are some more pictures of the first half of the show and then the crowd at intermission:


For the second half of the show they played The Dark Side of The Moon in it's entirety! The light show was so awesome, at first there was this little moon behind the band and it grew and grew until it was so huge and then they started to play and as they played the moon changed and morphed into other things. It turned into a huge brain hanging in the air above them and then lightening started coming out from underneath of it. I was thinking now if that brain starts flying around in the arena like that pig did, We are all going to be freaking out!
After the show, we made the journey back to the bus.

Here's Brian, Charlie and Lois walking in front of me in downtown NYC. We took off to find a good place to eat before we came back to our hotels. On the way we met a guy playing the saxaphone with his friend on the guitar. They were really good and we had a blast dancing to their music. Everyone that went by smiled and some even stopped to watch and enjoy with us. It was so cool. Now I'm thinking I wish I had taken a picture of him cause we had so much fun with him, there on the street, but I didn't think of it at the time. Then we saw this place called Dallas BBQ. I got shrimp and baby back ribs and Brian got a taco salad. We just got take out and went back to catch our bus and go eat in our hotel room.

So we made the journey back to the bus station and found the right bus to take us back to our hotels. What a ride that was, too many curves and turns. We went through a tunnel, that was kinda scarey. It seemed like we were close enough to scrap the sides. The first driver seemed to be a better driver than the second one was. All that holding on for dear life made every part of me ache, my arms, my legs, my hips, my back, my neck, my knees, everything. By the time I got back to my hotel and ready for bed, I could hardly move any more. Brian had to help me get into bed. But I slept so good once I got comfortable. I'm still very sore and stiff but I'm very happy we came up here. Its been so very much fun. I even talked to Lucy today. We were trying to get time to get together but it didn't work out this time. I'm disappointed but I understand that I didn't really give her much advance notice so I told her that next time I would give her more advanced notice and we would plan to spend more time up here. I can't wait to come back to the Big Apple. This was so much fun and there is so much to do here. I need more time! I didn't even get to go shopping!! And I want to go see Conan O'Brian or Jay Leno or something and we want to see the Statue of Liberty and all kinds of other things that there are to do here! Now I'm sorry it took me so long to come here and have some fun! Now I am exhausted and need to get some sleep, so good night all!