Willie wasn't home when I got there. After 3 days of him treating me like dog shit and then I come home to him being gone out and all he leaves me is a shitty little note. Willie can't read or write so you can imagine how the note was. Anyway, he said since I didn't come home when I was supposed to, wait, I'm like a 26 year old single woman here and I didn't know that there was anybody out there that could tell me what I am supposed to do and what time I gotta do it, right? Anyway, he says since I didn't come home when I was supposed to, that he would come home when he felt good and damn ready. So I sat up all night worried about what he might do. I was scared, I was afraid he'd do something like burn the trailor down with me and Aaron in it or come home and beat me up again or something.
He came home the next day around 3 pm with his buddy, Doug. They came in and sat down and started watching TV. Thank God Aaron was taking his nap and didn't have to go through this one. I was in the kitchen having some lunch or trying to. Willie comes in and looks in the refrigerator and asks Doug if he wants a sandwich, Doug says no thanks. Smart man, he knew the shit was getting ready to hit the fan.
I told Willie to get his things and get out, that he didn't live here anymore. We had a big fight, he beat me over in the floor while his buddy Doug just watched as he had watched Willie beat me before on other occaisions. I tried to get away from him. I went out the door and Willie followed me. He hit me so hard in the side of my head that I couldn't see for a few moments. Everything went black and I thought if I don't get away from this motherfucker, he is gonna kill me. I grabbed the porch rail and tried to find my way out of harms way.
I got a warrent out for him for assalt and battery. And I got him out of my house. Aaron and I were safe. We would be better off without Willie. I wanted a Father for my Son but Willie was not the man for the job. Aaron would be better off with no Father than with Willie as his Father, I was sure of it.
Aaron was almost 2 years old when I kicked his Father out. So now I am a single Parent and I gotta figure out what to do next. I went back to school and in 2 more years I earned an AA in computer sci with highest honors. I got a job at the paper mill that my Father worked at. It was supposed to be a temporary job lasting about 5 weeks. After a couple of weeks the paper mill was flooded out when the James river came up to the third floor. They put my job on hold and gave me another temp job in the maintence office. I ended up working there for 9 months. My Dad said they only let me go because I had graduated from my classes.
I tried for years to get a job with my degree but everyone only wanted me to be a secretary and unfortunately, I'm no typist and I'm no secretary. I even went back to school in order to work on a Bach. degree. I need only one more class to get my second AA in general studies right now. I couldn't afford to go to any of the schools near my home. The closest state school to me is in Radford which is an hour and a half from my home. That's 3 hours driving time every day. I just couldn't do that. And I couldn't afford to move there either. And so, the bach. degree got put on hold.
In the mean time, I raised my beautiful blond haired, blue eyed baby boy. I truly enjoyed most every stage he went through, until he went to school. Public school sucks.
They made Aaron redo kindergarten. Kindergarten! I mean, come on. What's the deal man, what he can't tell circles from squares and don't know how to drink from a straw or what? I don't know but parents ain't got much say so over their kids when it comes to school, you know. By the end of the first grade they had determined that Aaron was dyslexic and so when he went into the second grade he had to be bused to another school in the county to take LD classes. The little country school that he had been in didn't have the resources needed to teach Aaron. He spent the second and third grade at Bedford Elementry. By the time Aaron was in the fourth grade the schools had been redistricted or something and Aaron would go to Big Island Elem. They had the teacher there that he needed.
Mrs Witt was the only teacher Aaron ever had that actually got through to him. She was able to get him almost up to his age group on things. He listened to her, he liked her. She liked him too. She used to give me clothes for Aaron that used to belong to her son. One day I was at the school and I saw her. As we were walking down the hallway she tells me that Aaron is the nicest, most well mannered student in all her classes. She tells me he is so kind and helpful. I'm like, are talking about my son? No way. That's not the Aaron I would get at home.
At home he was difficult to live with. He never listened to a word I said. He was good at coming up with messed up things to do. He would go through all of my things, taking what ever he thought he could get away with and then some. He hated to do any homework, so his teachers quit giving him any. That had caused a lot of fights and stress at home and I was glad they didn't give him homework to do any more. I think he is the only kid I have heard of that was told he could stay home if he did his homework and that was the only time he did any homework. That was when he was in middle school. Once he got out of elementry school, he didn't get another teacher in LD that he could learn anything from. I asked Mrs. Witt if she couldn't just follow Aaron through school but it just couldn't be.
I think school really messed Aaron up, except for Mrs, Witt. He was so mean and would cuss at me and he refused to do anything that I asked him to do. His attitude was very bad. Sometimes he would be bad to himself too. Like he felt like he deserved to be treated bad or something. It didn't help much when on Father's day, Aaron wanted to tell Willie happy Father's day and Willie told him to get away from him, that he's not his Father and he didn't want to hear it from him. Aaron was about 5 years old at the time. He never forgot it.

Well, Willie wanted that $250 stereo more that anything. So he got $200 of the insurance money and my $50 and we got the thing. When we got back to my room at Kay's house, she turned into an instant bitch. She broke out her gun and started waving it around and screaming and cussing. She told me and Willie to get out and stay out. So that's what we did. Aaron was only 3 months old. We went out the next day and Willie's manager at Hardee's helped us get an apartment. It was a nice apartment, some of the neighbors weren't so nice, this one bitch who lived downstairs from us loved to call the landlord over every little thing and over some shit she made up. She was kinda crazy, didn't like rock and roll, she loved country so she would complain about my music, she complained if someone parked in her parking place but she didn't mind having her visitors park in my space. Every day when Willie came home from work, she would spread out in a slinky nighty on her sofa right in front of her wide open front door! What was that about. Now as far as I am concerned, I wish she would've took him then. It would have saved me a bunch of pain and suffering.
I tried for almost 2 years to have a good relationship with Willie. I thought it was important for a baby to have both a Father and a Mother. And I thought I was in love with Willie too. Willie was lazy, and abusive. He never worked a job for very long and when there were things that needed to be done around the house, Willie would rather play cards, watch Scooby Doo or sleep. He also liked to get high huffing chemicals, like gas or touline. I don't know how to spell that last one, but I do know it is some fucked up shit and I didn't want my kid around such shit. We had many fights about it. We had fights about all kinds of stuff. Soon the fights became fist fights and guess who got hit and took most of the briuses, me of course.
He threw me into the fish tank once. Fish went every where. Water was all over the place. I just looked at him and said, Merry fucking Christmas, asshole, and then we started trying to save what we could. Another time he broke my glasses and I made him buy me new ones. He broke the baby's high chair with Aaron in it. I was so mad. On yet another occaision, he slapped Aaron across the room and when I went to check on him, Willie grabbed me and choked me backwards over the broken high chair. I was so fucking mad at him, I was gritting my teeth so hard, him choking me didn't even bother me. I just looked at him and told him that he had better get his hands off of me or else. He must have know I wasn't lieing to him.
I had tried several times to get Willie to leave but he wouldn't go. He would stay and we would make up and he would be better for awhile. Then one day he came home and started to cuss at me and treat me like shit. Nothing I did was right. Dinner was late and what I fixed was garbage and it was fucking cold and I was a piece of shit. The house looks like a pig stye and I am the fattest ugiest bitch in the world. For 3 days this went on, each day getting worse. On the second day, he tells me he has a new girl friend and she is 10 times the woman I am. He says he is going to kick me out of our house and she and he are going to live here. On the 3rd day, he tells me that he and his new girl friend are going get custody of Aaron and they are going to raise him here in this mobile home. Of course, I just laughed cause the trailor is on my Father's land right next door to his house. Ha.
After 3 days of this crap, I had to go to town for business. It was a planned trip. I had an appointment and we had saved a little money and I thought we might use it to get a little weed. We needed a little entertainment and didn't have the money to do much. The morning of my appointment, I get up and start to get ready, when Willie says he and Doug are taking the car and going to get the weed now and he says you ain't going. I'm like bull shit, what I've got to do is more important than what you want to do. Well he says he doesn't want to go with me so I think that's cool, don't go. I got all dressed up and got Aaron all looking good and we went to my appointment. Afterward, I'm thinking this is my car, in my Dad's name, more than half the time Willie gets off work at 3 and doesn't come home until 10 or 11. So, I figure it's my turn. I took Aaron and went out to my good friend, Julia's house. She had a little boy, Hardy, who was only about a year younger than Aaron and they were good friends. I stayed there until about 10 pm and then I went home.

I gave Kay one more chance and I went back to her apartment to stay. One week later, she gets up and is bitching at me about why I didn’t eat any more of the vegstable soup she had made or something and then I tell her I am bleeding a little bit. It was 5 weeks before my due date. She shut up and started freaking out. I go to the hospital, tell the girl at the front desk, I think I am in labor and she says, honey, you have to be pregnant to be in labor. Man, I’ m like, are you kidding? Do I look that stupid or what? Anyway, I tell her I am pregnant, she doesn’t believe me but she puts me in a room anyway. After many tests and them trying to stop the labor, they realize that they are not going to be able to stop this from happening but this small town hospital doesn’t have a neonatal unit, so they take me to Lynchburg, Va. At 4:16 am on Dec. 24, 1981, I gave birth to my first son, Aaron Dean. He was tiny, he only weighed 4 lbs. 8 oz. He was in the intensive care unit for 3 days and spent the next 9 days in the regular nursery. He was the oldest and the smallest baby in there at the time. I always liked to tell him that Santa Clause brought him to me. It was the best Christmas I ever had.
Having Aaron was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He saved my life, he gave me a reason to live and to try to do better for him and for myself. He was my back bone, when ever I felt I couldn’t go on, that I didn’t have it in me to do what I had to do, all I had to do was look into Aaron’s beautiful blue eyes and I could do anything for him. And he literally saved me too. On at least 2 or more occasions he came into my bedroom and found me not breathing. I would get sick with these awful allergies that would turn into broncitis and I would cough and cough. Sometimes I could hardly breathe and I had to take breathing treatments with a nebulizer. Sometimes Aaron would come in and find me turning blue and he would sit up with me all night, making sure I took my treatments. It was a rough time for me and for him. I would get sick for anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months and it would reoccur several times a year. I never knew when I would be sick or for how long, so it was impossible for me to keep a job. We lived for the most part on welfare and foodstamps and we still do.
When Aaron was 3 months old, Kay decided to kick me out of her apartment at gun point. Willie and I had gotten back together the night before I brought Aaron home from the hospital. Now Willie has turned 18 and is planning on living with me and Aaron, but Kay has turned into a royal bitch. She had just spent 3 days in the hospital having her tubes tied so she could fuck all day as many guys as she wanted and not get knocked up. Willie had been staying with me and the kids, Ginger and my son, Aaron so we wouldn’t be alone. That night was Willie’s birthday and we had gone out to dinner with his Parents. Afterward, we went shopping. I wanted to get a clock radio and had saved $50 for it. Willie sees this stereo that costs $250 and he wants it really bad. His Dad was supposed to have saved some money from an insurance claim from when Willie was a kid and got hurt at a Bowling alley, but apparently he had spent most of it. I think he spent it on Willie, but I don’t know for sure.

I'm sitting here watching TV with my boyfriend and my son. We record the soaps on ABC and then watch them together when we want to. Well, not my son. He doesn't like them. He just likes to spend some time with me I guess. He is a good boy. He hates it when I say that but it is true, he's pretty cool.
Help me, I'm being attacked by a tiny Roman King! Cesar!
Dump her Jamie! Amanda's a crazy chick and not in a good way! She's a nut case just like her Mama! Hell yea, kick her to the curb, Jamie! Anyone that wants to drug someone to get them to marry them is a fucking bitch and should be thrown out with the trash that she is. Ryan is a creep. To pretend he is dead to protect Greenlee, bull shit. He is a coward and I would never take him back. I hope Babe kicks Amanda's ass. How dare she confront Babe? Like Babe did something wrong or something. I knew Jr would let Di go. I just knew it. She fucked things up but she didn't mean to hurt anybody. She just wants a good life like her sister had. Dixie really wasn't the squeaky clean angel they all seem to act like she was. She was a home wrecker, and a cheater too. How do you think she had Jr? and why didn't she stay married to Tad? Well. Can you say David? She ain't no better than Di. What's up with Zach and Ethan anyway? Get over yourselves and move on already. Zach didn't know he had a kid, is that his fault? Give the man a break for goodness sake. I don't know what Greenlee should do. Me, I don't think I could take Ryan back, especially since Jonathin is alive. Even though Jonathin was sick and had to have brain surgery and that was why he did the things he did, seeing him even a small amout of time would be very upsetting for me, as it would bring back so many bad memories. And as for Ryan, I would never be able to trust him again. Trust is very important in a relationship so there goes that. Kendall and the baby? theres the rub, Kendall had a habit of coming apart at the seams, Ryan's free, how long before Kendall gives up on trying to get them back together and decides she's the best woman for Ryan again. Afterall, she is carrying his unborn child. It is only a matter of time. Di! Run for the hills girl! You know jail ain't cool. I would high tail it outta there so fast, I can't believe she is still standing there in that freaking jail, go girl, go! Hey wait a min, what happened to the tools, the hammer and the saw that Amanda and Babe were fighting with. I musta missed something. Oh Jamie, you hunk, fine looking honey.
The acorns hitting my roof sound more like apples hitting it.
Uh oh, Jonathin is on the loose again. Where is Kendall's seat belt? Can things get any worse?

I've been up all night long. I've got some things I want to do today, and my sleep schedule is all off, so I decided to stay up and try to get things done. I can go to bed early tonight, no big deal. My little dog, Cesar is curled up in a little ball, sleeping between my legs while I am typing this. He wakes up and turns his tiny head up to me. "where are you going, little stinky?", I ask as he gets up and leaves my lap. Jerry is curled up on the larger sofa. Judge Joe Brown is judging cases on the TV. Cesar must have been thirsty, he went into the kitchen and got himself some water and now he is back in my lap. He is so cute. I love him so much and I think he loves me too. He spends most of his time in my lap or with me where ever I am. Since he looks like a tiny Doberman, my Son, Shawn bought him a tiny spiked dog collar. It's black leather with sharp silver studs. He looks hot and I figured it might make it harder for another dog to bite him on the neck. A mouth full of sharp spikes don't feel so good, right? So far, so good. Cesar holds his own, that's for sure.
Everyone else is still asleep right now. Shawn has been cooking a roast beef with veggies in a crock pot all night long. It's done now and smells so good. That's why I want my life back. So I can make sure this house is always filled with the smell of delectible foods. My damn refrigerator needs cleaning out and filled up with good, healthy, tasty foods. I wish I could go in there and fix up some eggs and sausage and bisquits and everything, but I can't.
One thing I can say, at least Shawn is learning how to cook for himself. He won't need anyone to cook and clean for him. He can do it all and he does a good job too. He will make a great Husband someday. He baked a red velvet cake in the shape of a bear last night. He frosted it with cream cheese frosting. He did an excellent job. Mind you, it was a cake mix and ready made frosting but I know people that can't or won't make it that way or any way. So, I am proud of him. He knows it was a learning experience and he knows that next time he will do better. At least he didn't burn it! I remember the first time I baked a cake from scratch. My Mom was supposed to be helping me but she was too busy talking on the phone. Yep, we had phones back in those days. I fucked it all up. It wasn't good at all. It really messed my head up. I felt like such a fuck up. I just knew I would never be right again. I was a fucked up kid anyway. No self esteem. Most of the adults in my life didn't help much either. My Parents tried to help me but even they had no idea how fucked up I was.
Phone rings...it's Stephin, one of the kids that my older son used to hang out with. He's a good kid. He's tring to become a tattoo artist. He's going to be good too. I've seen some of his work. My Son Shawn has the start of some of his work on his arm and shoulder. It looks awesome. Stephin only works in black ink yet, he doesn't have the money to get into colors yet. I told him when he gets into color, I will let him put one on me. I only have one tattoo, it's a picture of a safety pin with a purple banner that reads in memory. It's in memory of my older son, Aaron. His nickname was Safety Pinns or just Pinns. That's where I got my screen name from: Pinnsmom.
Damn, I can sure talk alot. Hold on, gotta release the gas from my colostomy bag. It gets all puffed out, I hate it when it shows.